Kim Jong Un Ate My Bawls!

I’ll wager that this whole event was very likely staged from inside Sony, with NK very likely having nothing to do with it at all. I realize the US Gov is proclaiming NK as the villain here, but since when is anyone buying anything they put out as gospel anymore? Either way, I’m thankful I can watch the film while “supporting free speech” (ha!) without having to go sit in a theater with the sounds of popcorn being chewed in my ear while some twenty something couple’s baby cries during the third act because mom and dad are too thoughtless to stay home since the babysitter is unavailable.

I say its high time to quit paying $5.00 for a box of Raisinettes and $4.50 for a 2 litter of coke ($9.95 if you are in NYC) with a lid and straw. When it costs me $50.00 to take my wife and kids to an 11 am “matinee”… Houston we have a problem. I welcome the digital delivery revolution, even if Lil Kim hired some Ninja-Hackers to try and blackmail Sony. I would like to be able to pre-order brand new streaming releases, and have UPS deliver me a box of stale pop-corn and some SnowCaps before 5 PM on opening night, as I sit back and watch the fine feature film on my 80” 240 hz 3-D “smell-o-vision enabled” TV that was built by some slave wage paid “employees” at Foxconn.

And while we are at it, store that movie I bought in the cloud, so that I have actually “bought” nothing except the delivery of 1’s and 0’s so long as I pay an ISP the “toll” of delivery over the digital highway. Welcome New Amurikuh! Where we continually find ways to charge more for less, while eroding personal property via legal decisions in favor of licensing agreements! Enjoy your Christmas tree this year folks, because next year you won’t get a real one without a permit, but Amazon, Netflix and Hulu will be broadcasting one to your HD Ultra 20k TV, and if you act now they will throw in the fire “safe” place and Tree combo for free!

I pledge allegiance, to the United Corporations of Amurikuh, joy to the world! PLAY BALL! (Please excuse my sarcasm. Its a side affect of putting together imported Chinese plastic crap that I just spent my last paycheck on.)